How Self-Compassion Helps Us Maintain Momentum and Avoid Negative Spirals
“Recovery is a process of gradually taking small steps of self-care that accumulate over time into a lifestyle of respect and compassion for oneself.” -Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
Being ambitious is an admirable trait to have. Setting and accomplishing goals for professional and personal growth helps us to build self-confidence and contributes to creating a fulfilling life.
There can, however, also be a downside to spending so much time focusing on the pursuit of success. Constantly striving for achievements can sometimes lead to thinking patterns full of self-doubt, worry, and diminished motivation. When our expectations are not met, our thoughts can spiral into distress and harsh self-criticism.
If you ever find yourself in a mental space of having more negative self-talk than positive, leading to feeling stuck or deciding to quit, there’s hope. The answer is to disrupt the unhelpful torrent of self-depreciation - not to double down on being mean to ourselves. Instead, cultivate an attitude of being your own biggest supporter by being more self-compassionate; this is how we can break the cycle.
Increasing our ability to be self-compassionate consists of:
Being kind to ourselves
Aim to be understanding, and speak to yourself with respect.
Practicing mindfulness
Be intentional and pay attention to your thoughts and behaviors, without judgment.
Staying connected to our humanity
Remember that you’re a human being, and all human beings make mistakes sometimes.
Replace common negative self-talk like “I’m not good enough” or “I always let people down”, which can undermine self-esteem and motivation, with self-compassionate self-talk.
Practice Being More Self-Compassionate Today by Taking These Steps:
Set realistic expectations
When setting goals, consider how attainable, realistic, timely, and aligned with your greater life’s vision they are. Take some time to review your current goals. Do you need to update any of them?
Reframe negative self-talk with gentle, support messages
Whenever you notice that your internal voice is being harsh and critical, be conscious about replacing the thoughts with supportive, gentle thoughts. Think like a best friend or a mentor.
Try to be flexible
Remind yourself that not everything is within your control. Focusing on what is our responsibility, and ours alone, can help you to be more adaptable to situations not going quite as planned.
If you ever find yourself slipping into overwhelming thoughts that aren’t supportive, don’t allow them to stop you in your tracks. Instead, try being self-compassionate with the tips we discussed above.
I hope this helped! Let me know how you’ve been replacing negative self-talk with self-compassionate statements in the comments below!
See you next month, as we continue our focus on prioritizing your mental health.
As Always, Be Well!
Jessica Herd, LMHC
P.S.
If you’d like to discuss how you can practice more self-compassion in your own life, schedule a consultation with me today.
Resources:
National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial “988”
Text Crisis Line: Text “HELLO” to 741741
