Are You a Crisis Hotline?
“We rise by lifting others".” ~Robert Ingersoll
Are you your friend’s (or family member) personal crisis hotline?
It’s a part of life for situations that are out of our control to arise and cause us great distress. Having people to talk to during these times can be very comforting and helpful. You may have friends or even family members that you contact, and that contact you, when going through a hard time and need someone to talk to.
Sometimes this looks like one or two chats about the situation, while other times it takes several conversations over a period of time. People often describe this as “emotionally dumping” or “venting”. This is completely normal!
People are happy to offer emotional support during these times, which most often happen occasionally, or rarely.
What about a friendship (or any relationship) where it seems as though this type of support is needed more often, and responding to their distress is the norm?
Have you noticed any of these patterns?:
-This person seems to always be in crisis, and frequently turning to you for emotional support.
-Their raw emotions about a situation, such as anger, anxiety, or sadness, are expressed without filter and no regard for your well-being in the moment.
-After these conversations, you feel emotionally drained and/or your mood has negatively changed.
-You feel apprehensive about future phone calls/texts from this person, and have negative feelings about them such as frustration and resentment.
These are signs that you may have become this individual’s crisis first responder for their emotions! Instead of them being able to take a moment to self-regulate and process their feelings, you have become the resource that manages the urgent and intense feelings with/for them.
Signs that you are the Emotional 9-1-1:
-You often receive calls or texts that are emotionally charged from someone.
-The "crisis" is happening in real time or just happened.
-You feel pressured to manage their emotions in the moment and/or produce a crisis resolution.
~Once this “crisis” is resolved, it is not too long before another one occurs and they call you again.
~Interactions with this person may be one-sided; support isn’t reciprocated.
Tips for Creating Boundaries
-Share how you feel about the pattern, and ask for what you need (i.e., what you’d like to see change). For example, request that before this person calls you in crisis that they ask if you have the emotional capacity to talk at that time.
-Share resources, like a therapist directory, so that they can find additional support.
-Set boundaries with yourself such as only answering their calls within certain hours of the day or limiting how much time you’ll spend on the phone.
We all have times where turning to someone else for emotional support is necessary. We also offer this same help to others in our lives; however, becoming someone’s personal crisis hotline is not good for our mental health. There are ways to set healthy boundaries, and shift the dynamic so that everyone’s needs are met.
I hope this helps!
As Always, Be Well!
~Jessica
Speaking About Friendships…
Are you currently struggling with a friendship?
Do you wonder if you have healthy friendships in your life?
Check out “That’s My Best Friend!” A Friendship Workshop
This workshop includes a PDF Workbook and the link to a Pre-Recorded Video Guide.
Respond to journaling prompts about yourself and the people in your life.
Find clarity within your friendships, and learn about healthy boundaries.
Discover things you would like to improve within your relationships.
Take the workshop as many times as you want!
Learn more at ThrivingLotusOasis.com
Interested on working 1-on-1 with Jessica? Click below to schedule a consultation call!
Resources:
National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial “988”
Text Crisis Line: Text “HELLO” to 741741
SAMHSA (Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services) Hotline: 1-800-662-4357
Domestic Violence Support Hotline: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)
Caregiver Help Desk: 1-855-227-3640
NY Project Hope (COVID-19 Resources)
